Embarrassing moments...

Was just discussing embarrassing moments a little while ago with some co-workers. They reminded me of one such moment, right after I started working here.

I had probably been working here 2 or 3 months at the most. Still on my best behavior trying to figure out everyone. The 2 female co-workers at that time were talking about bowling and the fact that they were in a weekly bowling league. I mentioned that I took bowling as one of my PE requirements in college, and that the instructor was really big on form. So, I went to demonstrate my form. Start holding the ball out in front of you on the right side of your body, Swing the ball back as you step off with your left foot. A couple more steps, swing the ball forward, and release.

All good, right? Well, as I swing my arm / hand forward, one of the ladies sort of backed up and turned... And I ended up with a hand-full of her behind. I'm not sure who was startled more. Me with a hand full, or the lady that had just been goosed. The shades of red I turned that day are still talked about today. It's safe to say that if I EVER demonstrate my bowling form again, I will make darn sure that the path is clear...


And, my most embarrassing moment:

I think I was in 9th grade. Our church youth group went from Lafayette, LA to a camp in the TX Hill Country out near Leakey. On the way home, we stopped in Beaumont for dinner. When passing through Orange, a familiar rumble started forming. Nature was calling. This was back before answering machines were common, so there was no taking a message. This was a call that was going to need to be answered. The only problem was that the bus driver didn't want anyone using the bathroom in his bus. Sure, that's a good decision with 40 kids and an 8-10 hour trip. Because he didn't want the bathroom used, he didn't put any chemicals in the tank.

Well, as we approached the LA border, I went to the front of the bus and told the driver I needed for him to stop at the rest area. He told me no. I pleaded with him that it was sort of important. He refused again, to the point of arguing with me that I should have gone 30 minutes back and that I would just have to hold it the 2 hours until we got home. I DID go back in Beaumont. I needed to go AGAIN. He passed the rest area, and I did the only thing I could do. I told him that he would be sorry because I was going back to the john, and that's exactly what I did.

Let's just say that a week's work of camp meals were searching for the emergency exit at the same time. The fumes were terrible. Unimagineable is a word that comes to mind to describe the stench. Did I mention that it was the middle of the summer and the A/C had also gone out on the bus? It was THAT bad. People screamed. People cried. A few people got sick and puked. People banged on the bathroom door. People were a little mad (some were A LOT mad) at me, but there wasn't much I could do.

After the shock & awe campaign was over, the bus driver pulled over on the side of the interstate. Amazingly, he had the toilet chemicals in the storage bay under the bus. Once he added the chemicals and we got going again, the smell went away. BUT, the damage was done. What I would label as the most embarrassing moment of my life had happened. Any trip after that, if I so much as looked at the bathroom on a bus trip, my friends were sure to question my intentions To this day, that single event is the one that tells people which camp trip they are talking about.

There were many more moments, just none that bad. Does anyone have another they care to remind me of?

Does anyone want to share one of their own?

Feel free to post up in the comments.

Awwww nuts...

It has been a while since the last post. Not much major going on, just being lazy.

So, what prompted me to post now? Well, something pretty funny happened yesterday that I thought was blog worthy.

So, on Wednesday Matthew complained that his "naked" hurt. That's what he calls his junk.. Thinking it was just some sort of surface irritation, I got out the Neosporin, put some on his finger and told him to rub that on where it hurt. He got dressed and I dropped him off at school like usual.

Wednesday evening, I picked him up from after school care and noticed he was walking a little funny. I asked him what was going on and he told me his "naked" still hurt. I figured another round of ointment that evening would take care of things and thought nothing of it.

After dinner, I put the boys in the bath tub and noticed that Matthew's sack was quite red. My first thought was that maybe he got his underwear wet at some point while going to the bathroom and had just managed to rub it raw. But upon closer inspection (and believe me, as a straight man, even inspecting my own kids junk is sort of uncomfortable), I noticed it was pretty swollen on one side. Then I checked and the right nut was more than double the size of the left.

Houston, we have a problem....

So, I had Shelly finish the bath while I called my father-in-law. He's a veterinarian, but still gives pretty good human medical advice. He suggested a visit to the doctor Thursday morning would be in order.

SO, Shelly took him to the doc, got an ultrasound ($455 out of pocket), and was declared to have an infection that should clear up with some antibiotics. All good right? They then came and met me for lunch at Willie's Ice House, where Shelly showed me the picture. Couldn't tell much other than a color ultrasound picture that listed right and left testis.

Fast forward to last night (Thursday night). Shelly called me after work and told me that she thought we left the picture on the table at Willie's. Crap. A picture of balls left at the restaurant. And she wanted me to call and see if the picture was still there and go get it.

So, I called the restaurant. When the girl answered the phone, I told her that I was in there eating lunch with my family and we left an ultrasound picture on the table. I expected that she would have to put me on hold and ask around. She didn't have to. With almost a laugh in her voice, she said yes, they had the picture. And then she transferred me to the manager.

OK, think about what this means for a minute....

The hostess knew about the picture being found 6 hours earlier, likely before her shift started...

Likely everyone on the WHOLE staff had passed around the picture of some poor dude's balls. And I was a guy calling about it. And then I was going to be the guy coming in to pick it up...

THIS WHOLE JOINT IS GOING TO THINK I'M THE GUY WHOSE JEWELS THEY LOOKED AT!!!!

Even worse, this is a restaurant in my regular rotation.

Needless to say, I went and picked it up, everyone around within earshot when I asked for the picture seemed to be sort of snickering.

I think it will be a while before I go back there again...