Completely random photos... (explanations below the photos)

on edit: Clicking on the photos makes a REALLY large photo. I'll try to figure out how to correct this problem. Drop me a line if you already know how...

I was going through some of the photos on the computer to put on my facebook page, and I came across a few that I thought were pretty random, and most of them pretty funny.

I saw this billboard and make an illegal U-turn to go back and take a picture of it. Why? Because Reggie always talks about Cruzan Rum. I thought it would be fun to send a pic of a billboard in rural Texas to a guy in North Carolina that I've never actually met, but read his blog every day.

This is my grandfather, my mother, and my niece. I'm sure there are a million stories for this one. Feel free to leave a suggested tag line in comments.

This is a little shelf type deal above the front door in the entryway of our house. Once a year or so, it is necessary to get up there and vacuum the corners, etc to keep it looking clean. The plywood is to help spread the weight so my fat butt doesn't go crashing through...

That's my boy. Safety first when using power tools...

Not sure what this was all about... Matthew calls the hose on the vacuum cleaner his gun, so it was funny when we heard him in the office with the vacuum cleaner making shooting sounds and walked in to find this...

This is my friend Tommy and his son, John Thomas. We were riding the Austin Steam Train. Looks like Tommy is enjoying the train ride...

Insert sexual joke here... This was the handle on the emergency exit on the train car we were riding in.

This is probably the funniest photo I've ever taken. Matthew was potty training in June & July 2007. Yes, that's what it looks like on the floor in our downstairs hallway. Shelly was calling for me to help, but of course, I had to grab the camera first. She will kill me when the news of this photo gets back to her...

Enjoy, and feel free to leave comments or make up funny tag lines for any or all photos.

The worlds most perfect food...

I was eating lunch today at a place called Gringo's. Obviously, it was a Mexican joint. I know there are 2 or 3 of them in Houston, possibly more in other places. The place is decent. Not the best Mexican around (that would be Doneraki), but decent all the same.

As I was sitting there eating my Chimichanga, it hit me that I was eating the perfect food item. Think about it. You are basically eating a burrito. Everyone loves burritos. If you don't, you just haven't had a good one. I imagine one day years back, a couple of Mexicans were sitting around thinking about how good burritos were, when one of them, in a stroke of pure genius, decided to deep fry the burrito. Voila, the Chimichanga.

That has to go down on the list of the most important historical inventions...

Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin, Henry Ford brought us the modern assembly line, and some Mexican guy brought us the Chimichanga.

Brilliant.

Losing my mind...

You know how sometimes you get sidetracked in performing a task?

Tonight I promised Shelly I would take her truck down the street and fill it with gas so she wouldn't have to do it on the way home. Of course, I got into the evening routine of cooking dinner, bathing Matthew, etc, and I forgot. Around 10:00, Shelly came in and found me sitting on the couch in my drawers watching TV and surfing the web. She asked me if I was going to put gas in her truck.

Of course, let me put some shorts on and I'll head out. I got up from the couch, picked up a few of Matthew's toys from the living room floor, and took my dessert plate into the kitchen. While I was in the kitchen, I washed the 3 or 4 dishes that were in the sink and put them in the dishwasher, then I headed out the door to get in the truck. I reached for my pocket to grab the keys... Not only are there no keys, but there is no pocket either...

I'm standing in the garage in my drawers (boxers for those interested), no keys, no wallet, no shoes, and no pants. I guess I'm losing my mind.

How funny would it have been if I had grabbed the keys off the counter and headed out, only to get to the gas station and reach for my wallet? Of course, I stopped at the store first to return a couple of DVD's we had rented the other night. I guess I could have made that stop without any real problems...

Anyone else have a similar problem?

Convenience vs. Waste...

Shelly has mentioned lately that it's pretty hot in the truck when she goes to put the boys in after running errands. Because you constantly hear about someone jumping in a running vehicle and stealing it with kids buckled in the back, she has been scared to put them into the truck with it running while she loads stuff into the back.

We solved that problem today by having a remote start deal installed on her truck. You just push a button on the remote, and that big V-8 purrs to life, unleashing the arctic blast of A/C to cool off the truck before you get in.

Maybe it is a little bit of a fuel waster, but as hot as it is, that's an option we'll probably wish we had spent the money for long ago.

Not so bad...

I learned one thing tonight. I DON"T want 5 kids. We made it through the evening just fine, but 5 kids is a bunch of kids for 2 people to keep up with. Of course, Matthew was the turd of the bunch. He got a little territorial with his toys, his baby brother, and Sweetie the Chihuahua.

Overall, it was a decent night. We ordered a couple of pizzas and rented a video.. When things wound down a little, Shelly ran the kids through the bath tub, and they played with toys until Staci & James got back.

We'll do it again sometime... But not this week.

12 Rollos Grandes / sin fragancia

I was taking care of a little business this morning, and the only thing to read nearby was the new package of Charmin on the floor by my feet.

We're reached a new low when even the TP has to have Spanish labels.

That's all I better say on that subject. Someone might get the idea that I'm somehow intolerant or insensitive...

Have I bumped my head?

Those of you with kids will understand what I mean when I say that going on dates after you have kids is a rare occurrence. It's not that you aren't willing, it's that it costs an arm and a leg. Babysitters are about $10 per hour and up, so dinner and a movie is about $50 worth of babysitter cost before you even order your appetizer. That's where grandparents and generous single friends come in handy.

My sister and bro-in-laws anniversary was last weekend, and they find themselves without anyone able to watch their 3 devil kids. OK, so they aren't really devil kids. She reads this blog, so I'm entitled to yank her chain every now and then. Based on the last several get-togethers, and noticing how well all of the kids played together, Shelly and I offered to have the kids over tomorrow night to give Staci & James a night out to enjoy dinner and a movie without worrying about the clock ticking at $10+ per hour.

If you don't hear from me for a while, you will know I didn't survive the evening... (or I'm in jail for offing one of the little suckers...)

Now, where is that Bourbon?

Facebook...

I'll be the first to admit that I've always shunned social networking sites as the hangout of kids and people that need to grow up. Until this week...

My long-time friend Tommy got on Facebook and told me that most of the people we hung out with "back in the day" were on there. I've found friends scattered across the US that I never thought I'd speak to again. I'll probably encounter some I hoped would never find me again...

We'll see how this goes...

Or, maybe I just need to grow up...

Dear Diary:

June 10th: Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longe r than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and $hits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the pati o for 3 nights now. $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise a$$ cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him... D@mn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my a$$ was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and a$$ . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried a$$, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a d@mn recording. Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...It's been too hot to do $hit for 2 d@mn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this d@mn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this d@mn heat.

Aug.14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the d@mn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? 'Hot enough for you today?' My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas ...What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes...

Dang, I'm ahead of the trend...

I don't really consider myself a drinker, but I do enjoy an adult beverage every now and then. I never learned to like beer, and I never was interested in trying anything else until my early 20's. Long story short, I discovered I liked Bourbon. I also like Tennessee Sipping Whiskey (Jack Daniel's). Of course, it seems that mostly old farts drink Bourbon, but I don't care.

Imagine my surprise when I read that the next generation is discovering Bourbon. Dang, All that's going to do is make the price of my favorite drink go up. I guess I'll see in 3 or 4 years when I finish the bottle I bought 2 years ago. (I told you I don't drink that often...)

Who knew I would one day be ahead of a trend (instead of woefully behind). I guess I am now officially an early adopter.

I wonder if that means now I'll have to get an i-pod?

Pics...

Shelly took the picture the other night. Jonathan was crying a little bit, so I started whistling the Andy Griffith theme song. He stared intently at me. Hey, whatever works, right?

These are the before pics of some of the meat. first is the pork roast (butt roast), and the others are the backstrap section before and after wrapping with bacon.

Finished backstrap. I would have preferred to cook it "medium", but I messed up and cooked it a little too long. Still good, but not as good as it could have been.

Sausage, ribs, and pork roast on the grill. I didn't get a pic of the roast before I wrapped it. I smoked it about 4 hours unwrapped, then wrapped it for the last couple of hours.

Dinner. Pulled pork sandwich, beef ribs, deer smoked sausage, and fresh yellow squash sauteed with Vidalia onions All washed down with a Diet Coke (or 3)

Great BUTT...

Pork butt that is.

The ribs were excellent and the deer sausage was just the way I like it - smoky and sort of crinkly looking on the outside. The backstrap was good, although a little overdone, and the pork butt came out perfect. It was a lot of work and I made a big mess, but Shelly said she thinks I need to make pulled pork every year for the 4th of July. The first try was a success.

I even worked a little in the garage. Man, even at 10 PM, it was still stifling hot outside. I came in a little while ago, drenched. After cooling off, I cleaned the kitchen while Shelly bathed Matthew and put him to bed. I think every dish in the kitchen was dirty. What didn't fit in the dishwasher got hand washed and put up, and the counters and sink are clean and sparkling. Shelly said that since the kitchen was left so clean, she would let me cook in "her" kitchen again. I told her it's a good thing she lets me cook, because her cooking isn't any good. That's a running joke around here, so I'm safe with that comment.

I took a bunch of pictures, and after I take a shower and clean up a little, I'll get them posted.

Real Men Have Gas... But they use wood and charcoal for grilling...

I've always fancied myself to be a decent cook. Nothing fancy or fru-fru, just good food. Over the years, I've become quite comfortable with the simple charcoal grill. I started grilling with a gas grill, but quickly figured out that gas grills suck. Charcoal is where it's at.

Along the way, I've grilled everything from steaks to chicken to pork chops. I regularly grill vegetables to go with the meat I'm cooking. I've even cooked bacon and pizza over a bed of coals. I like to eat, so it's only logical that I also like to cook.

Tomorrow I'm trying something new. I bought a pork butt that's about 8 lbs, and I'm going to grill / smoke that baby. I figure I'll get the coals ready, put them all on one side of the grill, add some wood chips (apple wood soaked overnight in water), and put the roast on the "cold" side of the grill for 7-9 hours, adding a few new coals to the grill every 30 or 45 minutes to maintain the temperature. If all goes well, we're having pulled pork this weekend. Of course, I can't let the grill burn all day without cooking a few other items. I have a rack of beef ribs already seasoned up and getting happy in the fridge that will also be put on the grill at some point. If that's not enough, we also pulled out about a 10 inch section of venison backstrap (the filet mignon of deer). The plan is to season it with a little salt and pepper, wrap with peppered bacon, and grill it also.

Can you tell that our 4th of July weekend is going to be centered around food?

Of course, there are other things in the works. I'm going to clean out the garage while I'm sort of stuck around the house tending the grill. It's long overdue. Hopefully I'll be able to get both cars back in there when I'm finished. Maybe I'll even manage to talk Shelly into tending the grill a little while so I can squeeze in a nap...

I'll dig out the camera tomorrow and snap a few pictures - maybe a before and after shot of both the meat and the garage.

I hope all of you guys have a great weekend and get to spend it with the folks you love.