Playing Santa...

Tonight we had Christmas gathering #4. This one was with Shelly's immediate family. We arrived home around 10:00 and hurried to get Matthew bathed and in bed. I read him the story of Baby Jesus out of his children's Bible, and he went to sleep fairly quickly.

Jonathan is not quite so easy to get to sleep. It's now 1:48 Am and he is still WIDE awake. I swear that kid never sleeps. Hopefully he will crash soon, but he's not showing signs of it right now.

After we were certain Matthew was fast asleep, I went out and retrieved all of the presents out of my trunk. It was pretty funny that Jonathan watched me put together all of the Santa Clause toys. Heck, he's already played with everything.

I started on the first present. A large box containing MANY pieces. The box said "partially assembled". Partially assembled? Which part? I think there was something like 100 pieces. I laid all of the pieces out, looked at the directions, then looked for the screws to attach the parts together. No screws. I tear apart all of the pieces, all of the packing materials, etc. we're not talking 3 or 4 screws, we're talking a butt load of screws. I enlisted Shelly's help, and we finally found them. Taped to the bottom inside part of the box. It's late, and I'm tired. I wouldn't be a bit surprised of those bums over at Fisher Price did that on purpose. Probably a couple of Jewish guys over there laughing about jacking with some unsuspecting Christian that is up late putting this stuff together for the secular celebration of Christmas. (Please don't take offense if you are Jewish. It's a JOKE)

Thankfully, after the rough start, everything went smoothly. I even was able to polish off a plate of cookies with a glass of milk. Not a bad day to be Santa. I do have to say, this is one of the fun parts of being a daddy. The look of wonder on 7 month old Jonathan's face when he saw his toys coming together was priceless. I'm sure Matthew will be equally thrilled when he sees his gifts in the morning.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, filled with all of the love and laughter that you can handle.

I'll leave you with a picture we took of our munchkins last week in front of the Christmas tree.

Christmas Eve Gift...

My Dad's side of the family has always had this fun tradition for Christmas Eve. The object is to try to be the first one to tell someone else "Christmas Eve Gift". I'm not exactly sure what the point is, but it's something you do every year. Maybe you're supposed to get an extra gift from them?

Anyway, over the years, you get to the point where you answer the phone "Christmas Eve Gift" because if you say "Hello", the person on the other end of the line will respond with "Christmas Eve Gift", meaning you have just been gotten.

Well, this year, I was going to be the KING of the "CEG". I came downstairs, fired up the computer, and was getting ready to FaceBook and E-mail all of the relatives I could. Alternative delivery method. Those suckers wouldn't even expect this...

I opened up Facebook, and there it was. A message posted on my wall from Cousin Jeff, posted at some crazy hour like 2 am...

"Christmas Eve Gift"

Christmas Event #3...

First, let me say that I forgot to include Obama in this gathering. I'm a little bummed because he might have enjoyed the trip.

The place was generally a zoo. We had 7 kids under the age of 5. All boys. At one point, all of the kids were in one of the bedrooms, and Shelly's cousin went back there to check on them. Mighty nice of her since she is the only one there that didn't have children.

Apparently the decision was made that they were going to place house. Since Julie was the only female, she was the Mommy. Matthew volunteered to be the Daddy. He's a take charge sort of fellow. He told Julie that she needed to get on the bed and he was going to spank her because she had been a bad girl...

Ok, I KNOW that Shelly and I don't watch any inappropriate shows on TV. And, to be brutally honest, with 2 kids and each of us working full-time, what little time there is for hanky-panky sure isn't as involved as any role playing.

Add this to the list of things to bring up when we have "the chat". Seriously, a few weeks ago he's tying a girl up and bringing her home, today he getting into a little S&M, I can only guess what's next...

Honestly, a couple of other funny things happened while we were there, but how can you tell another story after that one?

Visit to the doctor...

About 2 weeks ago, I went to the Dr Old-School to see about getting rid of a cough and general upper-respiratory junk I came down with. I was given a shot and an antibiotic. Within a couple of days, I was feeling better, and got a little lackadaisical about finishing off the antibiotic. Instead of 4 over the course of 24 hours, I took 2 in the morning and if I remembered, a couple more at night.

Apparently doing it that way doesn't get the job done...

My cough came back with a vengeance last night. To keep it at bay, I took a double dose (maybe triple - I just took a big swig from the bottle instead of measuring out 1tsp) of cough syrup w/ Codeine. Man, that crap is potent when taken in that quantity. I crashed pretty hard and had to be reminded of my name this morning. Somehow I got up, showered, wrapped a Christmas gift, and helped Shelly get the kids dressed and in the car. Poor Matthew probably has his drawers on backwards and has mis-matched socks, but that's the breaks, right?

Anyway, about 10:30 this morning, I called the Dr's office to find out if he was still in business. Luck had it that he's still with us this week. I asked if they would call me in a refill of the antibiotic I took last time. Of course, they need to pay the bills, so I was told to stop in before lunch. I got there and after talking to the nurse, my call was apparently the first call they had received all day. No wonder they wanted me in. They needed my $30 co-pay plus the $95 Blue Cross will kick in just to keep the place running.

They ushered me into a room, and a sort of rough looking nurse checked my vitals and told me the doctor would be in shortly. The doctor checked me out, wrote me a prescription for a stronger antibiotic and more codeine cough syrup. He said the nurse would be back with a shot for me.

This is where things went downhill...

Nurse Helga has been there a while. She's a little stern and sort of a rough individual. She always smells like Camels (cigarettes, not the animal). She wears a fancy Dale Earnhardt Jr jacket. Nice enough, I guess, but sort of a no-nonsense type person.

Anyway, she came in the room with quite a large needle. She told me I needed to drop my drawers. Now, I was under the impression that most grown people should have the option to get the shot in the butt or in the arm. I protested, but she was having nothing to do with it. Then she proceeded to make me pay for questioning her authority in choosing the shot placement...

Nurse Helga: "Turn around and drop them"

me: "ok, but just let the record show I'd rather have it in the arm."

NH: "Lean over this table"

me: "um, this is a little unconventional"

NH: "Lean over further, elbows on the table"

me: "Alright, I'm starting to get a little concerned. I've never been asked to get in this position before" At this point, I start to wonder if Helga is really a Harold. I listen intently. Any sound of zippers, and I'm outta there.

NH: "Extend your right leg back and rest your right foot on the tip toes"

me: "What the hell does this have to do with getting a shot?"

NH: "You need to relax. This won't hurt as much if you will relax"

Ok, my mind is going nuts here thinking that this is by far the most unusual doctors visit I've ever had. Well, there was that one appointment many years ago where I had a Sigmoid Scope done, but you sort of go in expecting what you are going to get, but I didn't arrive at this appointment expecting the "full treatment".

me: "Relax? Who the hell can relax in a position like this? I hardly know you, and I'm sort of in a precarious position here."

Luckily by this time, the shot was over and she told me I could get dressed and head up to the front desk.

I just have to wonder. Why does nothing I ever do seem to be easy?

a recent dinner...

Was asked by a friend if I took a picture of my dinner very often. No, not really that often, usually only when it was a really good one and I want to make people jealous...

Ribeye, baked potato, sauteed mushrooms, and butternut squash (baked then mashed)

gotta remember to respect the power of electricity...

Apologies if you read this one before. I thought it was too funny not to post. More original content and stories will follow soon, but this should tide us over until I get a chance to type out a proper entry.


We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and nut at the same time.

I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging to die. I was not taken that day.....I was left there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things :

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

Surprise Guest...

Last week was a week from hell. Both Shelly and I had long, frustrating weeks at work. There was also some drama with some stupid family politics that had me pretty fired up. I'm not going to say much because most of the family reads the blog at one time or another, but lets say it got bad enough that I hung op on a family member over it. All is fine now, but that added to the stress of the week.

On Friday, my week really came to a head. I was in a rotten mood already, and had a million things to do, so I left a little earlier than usual to get to work. Everything is fine until I hit FM1960. This is 3 lanes in each direction, sort of a major thoroughfare. It runs through residential and commercial / retail areas. Lots of traffic lights, but fairly smooth sailing most mornings because the lights are timed right. Smooth sailing every morning except Friday morning...

I was bee-bopping along, and traffic came to a halt. Barely creeping along. After a while, I managed to maneuver where I saw some flashing lights ahead. Long story short, I tried to go around it, but I managed to get right back into the mess. After almost an hour in and out of the mess, I finally figured out what the hold-up was. It wasn't a wreck, it was a house...

They were moving a damn house down a major traffic artery in rush hour. A FRIGGIN HOUSE... The delay was that they had a cherry picker truck at every intersection to help lift the traffic lights out of the way. A HOUSE. During RUSH HOUR... Amazing...

Shelly, on the other hand had a decent Friday. She went to the kids daycare and attended Christmas parties for both boys and got back to work to find her Christmas gift. A Quite nice Coach Leather bag / purse. And not a tiny one either. One MUCH nicer than we could have afforded to buy for her had she wanted to buy a new purse. She ended the week on a high note, and I was left feeling like someone had crapped in my Christmas Stocking.

About 11PM Friday night, we were sitting in the living room. Shelly was feeding Jonathan, and Matthew was sleeping on the couch next to me while we were watching TV. All of a sudden, the doorbell rang. Now, if you know me, you can imagine that I peeked out the window next to the door and had a little household protection handy. On my front step was a tall, rather thin black man...

It took a couple of tense seconds to figure out what was going on, when I noticed the oak tree in the yard. Toilet Paper. The black guy? Barack Obama. Someone had TP'd our yard and put a life size cardboard Barack Obama figure on my front step. No one has fessed up, but Ty and Amanda are prime suspects.

Whoever did it, you have my sincere thanks. That was just the little bit of boost I needed after a really rough week. It only took me about 10 minutes to clean it up, then we had a good laugh about how I nearly capped Obama... I would have used the Castle Doctrine defense.

I will say that we have had soem fun with Obama the last couple of days. We have had 2 family Christmas events this weekend, and he went to both of them with us. I have to admit, NONE of the family members were happy to see him. Not sure who all voted for him, but I didn't run into a single one of his supporters while we were making our rounds.

He'll travel a little more with us this week before we pass him off to someone else in another week or so. He's going to the ranch with us later this week. Might be a little dangerous for him. People are VERY conservative out there, and the ALL have guns. Lots of guns. I can't guarantee he won't have a hole or 2 in him when he gets passed on...

Just Because...

A friend of mine posted a message on FaceBook today that her husband bought her a bunch of pink roses "Just Because"... Of course, this is followed by a bunch of other women fawning over how sweet that is and what a great husband he is.

I've got news for them... That's not how guys work.

Guys don't give flowers or do other nice things "just because". Sure, we tell you it is "just because", but that's not true. Don't get mad, it's similar to the situations where we ask "What's wrong?" and you answer "Nothing". We know damn well that it's not "nothing", but we play along to humor you.

There is always something after the "just because". Sometimes it is "just because I want to divert your attention from something I did that will probably tick you off." Other times it might be "just because this might increase my chances of getting some action later." Maybe even "just because I want to go hang out with the guys later to watch the game and don't want to be hassled about not spending time together". We always have some idea in the back of our minds about what we hope to accomplish with random flowers, etc.

Another thing... guys, by nature, are not overly romantic individuals. Those things just don't come naturally. Sure, we might pop off some odd romantic idea on occasion, but it's not a regular occurrence. Don't get mad or frustrated at us, that's just the way it is. Women are wired have romantic thoughts, guys are wired to watch sports on TV, hunt, and other manly stuff.

I know there are lots of young, single women out there with idealistic thoughts about some dreamy guy that is perfect looking and is always thinking of romantic ideas. You are correct, there are guys like that around. You just don't have a shot at guys like them. They are already taken - by other men with the same characteristics. Sorry, that's just how it is.

Any comments? Feel free to chime in. You can post as "anonymous" if you don't want to sign in, but leave your name at the bottom of your comment.

For the record, I just read this post to Shelly. It was met with an eye roll and a "whatever". Now, I'm smart enough to know that "whatever" doesn't mean "whatever, that's fine". It means "Whatever, you know that nice, romantic dinner we just had at a restaurant with real napkins and 3 forks next to the plate, that you took me to 'just because'... You just cancelled that out".

Would hate to have to explain this one...

I saw this article tonight and thought it was pretty funny...


Man handcuffs wife to bed, loses key

Police say situation was an intimate relationship, not an imprisonment
The Associated Press
updated 3:04 p.m. CT, Thurs., Dec. 11, 2008

DEARBORN, Mich. - If you love something, set it free. And if you can't, call the police. The Detroit Free Press reported police responded to a call Thursday morning by a Dearborn man who handcuffed his wife to their bed but misplaced the key.

Police used a universal key to free the woman.

Sgt. Ray Patrick said the situation was "more of an intimate relationship than an unlawful imprisonment."

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28181033/?GT1=43001


Man, what luck. Imagine this poor fellow. Probably nothing but plain vanilla for years. He finally begs and pleads with the wife, maybe cashes in Christmas favors or the promise of a kitchen remodel for the chance at something a little spicier. He pulls out the handcuffs. Then, he completely screws up the situation by losing the key. Call that his last shot at the big time...

I sort of feel sorry for this guy.

Funny happening from the office today...

Late this afternoon, I was needing a stretch break and a Diet Coke, so I walked back to the kitchen at the office to get a drink out of the fridge. While I was back there, the receptionist evidently decided to go around and empty everyone's trash cans. My trash can is under my desk, near my feet, so I guess she sat in my chair to reach under there.

On the way back to my desk, she said something to the effect that my behind must be hot. It caught me a little off guard, so I asked her what she meant. She told me that it was a little cold in the office, but when she sat in my chair, it was quite warm.

My reply? Can you guess?
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"Of course my chair is warm. It has gas heat."

Snow in Houston...

A rare event happened in Houston this evening. It snowed. Of course, it is typical southern snow. It doesn't stick to the ground, but does accumulate a light dusting on cars and other flat surfaces.

Matthew and I just went out and scraped all the snow off of my car. I think there was enough for about 4 decent snowballs.

Ok, not much compared to you guys that get all you want plus some, but for those of us down here, this is a big deal.

I wonder if they will close the schools tomorrow?

Going to the doctor...

Earlier in the week I started getting that strange feeling the the back of the throat that told me I was coming down with something. What starts out as head congestion for me quickly turns into bronchitis. I had asthma as a kid, so I think that makes me a little more susceptible to chest type issues.

Not a big deal, it just means that I need to go to the doctor once or twice a year when the crud hits to make sure it doesn't get too bad. Ok, doctors for a man are a pain in the butt. For several years, I would just pick one out of the most current list of doctors for our health insurance each time I was sick. The problem with this is that I could never remember which doctor I had seen the last time, so I never saw anyone more than once.

Also, it cheesed me off that when I would call it would always seem to take 2 days to get an appointment. I'm a man. By the time I get around to calling a doctor, a 2 day wait isn't a good idea. By then I will either be cured from over-the-counter meds, or I will be dead somewhere. That is, until I found Dr Moore.

Dr Moore is my kind of Doctor. He's old school. By old school, I mean he graduated from med school 52 years ago. This dude is pushing 80. The first time I went to him a few years ago, I called and asked for an appointment. It was about 11:30, and they told me to come in at 1:00.

I've found out since that first visit that appointments aren't required. I've never had to wait when showing up. Hell, I've only seen another patient there at the same time as me once in the last 3 years. Today, I got there at 11:10. at 11:30, I was pulling out of the parking lot with a shot in my right butt cheek and a prescription in hand.

The joke around here is that I still call in for an appointment, more or less just to make sure the old fart is still alive. I know one of these days I'll call in and either will get a phone disconnected message, or they will tell me he has either finally retired or kicked the bucket.

Dr Moore, here's wishing you many more years of health.

A couple of pics of the kids...

Jonathan sure does like those carrots.

No butt, but look at those chunky legs...

Christmas Shopping...

Shelly and I went out tonight and did a little bit of our Christmas shopping. Our friend Janice lives a stone's throw from a Toys R Us, so we left the boys with her and headed out to shop for all of the kids in the family.

I LOVE giving gifts and I love picking out toys for the kids, but I hate dealing with the other shoppers. In Houston, it seems that whenever we decide to go shopping, it is right after a crowd has rummaged through the store leaving it in a complete disarray. On top of that, the other people that are there are all speaking languages other than English. Not sure why, but I tend to get a little annoyed by that.

It took a little over an hour of searching the shelves of scattered and strewn about toys, but we managed to take care of gifts for our boys as well as the niece and nephews. Now we just need to buy for our parents and for each other and we'll be set.

One funny thing happened tonight, which is pretty much what you might expect from me... As we were wrapping up our shopping, we were alone on an aisle of toys for the younger kids. I needed to release a little pressure, and since no one was around, I popped one off. It was a little louder and longer than expected, and about the time I turned around, there was another couple coming onto the aisle, not 6 feet from me. Shelly was between me and this couple.

I was COLD BUSTED.

It all happened so fast. The guy busted out laughing and took off, leaving his wife standing there with her mouth open and a look on her face that said "What the heck just happened here?" Shelly turned around just in time to see the woman with a funny look on her face and then turned back in my direction as I busted out laughing. The woman beat a hasty retreat when it finally hit her what had happened.

Ok, at that point, you are stuck. You can't exactly look out into the main aisle to see where the other couple went. You have to move the other direction. We also had to regain our composure because we were laughing so hard we were crying.

Shelly said she's not sure she can take me anywhere in public again.

Now that I'm recapping the evening, I wonder what the store employees thought was going on when they saw 2 separate couple dying laughing, headed in opposite directions.

Apologies if this offends anyone, but by now you shouldn't be shocked by much that goes on in our family.

Gotta have a LONG talk with that boy one of these days...

Several Months ago, I bought Matthew a little fishing pole to use at the ranch. The last time we used it, we were in my car, so it was still in the trunk. This morning, when we were loading the coolers full of tamales in my trunk, he found the fishing pole and wanted to have it inside the car. There is no hook on it, just a little weighted disk to use for practicing casting, so I figured it was safe enough. Other than being pegged in the back of the head a couple of times, there were no problems.

At one point, we were sitting at a red light and there was a girl in the car next to us. Matthew said he was going to use his fishing pole and catch the girl in the next car.

Me: How are you going to catch her with that fishing pole?

Matthew: Well, you have to roll down my window and I'll catch her.

Me: what are we going to do with her after you catch her?

Matthew: We're going to take her home and wrap her up.

I'm starting to get a little concerned here, but I'm playing along to see where this goes.

Me: What are we going to wrap her up with?

Matthew: That rope you have in the garage.

Ok, this is going down hill fast. I mean, she's not really even good looking. We sure don't need an ugly chick tied up around our house... At this point, I have Shelly on the cell phone while I'm asking the questions and we're laughing at his responses.

Upon further questioning, his plan was first to give the tied up woman to Sweetie the Chihuahua, then let her stay in the backyard apparently to play with Sweetie.

Interesting. Not exactly what I... Well, never mind...

Man, the things that go through the mind of a 4 yr old with an active imagination...

Tamale Update...

I picked up the tamales this morning. It turns out my dad was wrong and I only had 80 dozen instead of the 90 dozen I originally thought. I chalk that up to his hearing not being what it used to be and the accent of the guy that runs the meat market. Either way, that's a BUNCH of tamales. On the way home, I made a stop at Tommy's house and my boss's house and arrived home with just 45 dozen left.

The good news is that these things are EXCELLENT. I ate 1/2 dozen for lunch and am contemplating polishing off the rest of that dozen in a couple of minutes. If I end up not being able to offload the rest of them, at least I know they taste good and they freeze well to eat later.

Holy Crap, that's a PILE of tamales...

You guys probably remember that I wrote last week or so about dropping off a deer I shot to be made into tamales at a new processor I haven't tried before. What I didn't do was ask the guy how many tamales he thought I would end up with. In hindsight, that would have been a good idea.

That was last Tuesday. Over Thanksgiving, we went out to Rocksprings. My Dad and I each shot an Axis deer. I dropped mine off with my usual processor to be made into smoke sausage. My Dad dropped his off with the processor that makes tamales to have some tamales made. Again, no one asked how many tamales might come from the deer.

Well, my Dad checked with them this morning and found out that the tamales were ready. I think his count was 72 dozen, mine is apparently 90 dozen. I won't even say how much 90 dozen tamales cost, but bear in mind that they mix the venison with pork and tamales are a little labor intensive.

First thought, that's a PILE of money. Second thought, where in the HELL am I going to put 90 dozen tamales? Luckily, I've arranged good homes for about 28 dozen so far, and some folks I know will be getting tamales for Christmas.

One other thing. Shelly IS NOT happy with me right now...

I was planning on going back to the ranch to hunt next weekend. What do you think the chances of me actually getting to take that trip are at this point?

1,080 tamales. Un-Friggin-believable.

Roping a deer...

Actual letter from someone who farms, writes well and tried this:

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.

The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal --like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

All these events are true so help me God...

An Educated Rancher

Successful Hunt...

The weekend hunt at the ranch was great. I didn't kill the big one, but I did come back with meat in the cooler in the form of a cull buck. I'm about to drop him off at the processor to have some tamales made. I've never had tamales made, so we'll see how this works out.

I'll give more details about Saturday evenings hunt. It was the wildest hunt I've ever had, but I'm pressed for time right now.

We're loading the truck and leaving in the next few minutes to head out to my parents ranch out in Rocksprings (6 or so hours West). Their ranch is 1100 acres with 12 owners (Shelly's dad and grandfather are also partners). In addition to white-tail deer, they also have Axis deer. Shelly is also planning to hunt, and I know from experience, if you want to put meat on the ground, put Shelly on the stand with a rifle. She only hunts once every other year or so, but she has killed one just about every time.

I'll give a full report when we get back. I'm sure there will be some interesting stories to tell since the cabin has no phone, no TV, and no cell phone service. It's also pretty small.

Have a good Thanksgiving.

Going hunting again...

There is a cold front coming through tonight. In the words of my Grandfather, it's going to be as cold as a well digger's butt. Hunting is always good after a front, so I hope it all works out. This weekend is going to be hard core hunting weekend. I'm going alone. No wife, no kids, and no Chihuahua. Just me, a rifle, some Little Debbie's, and a box of Diet Cokes.

Last weekend, we had some unexpected visitors at the ranch. The exotic ranch (drive-thru safari joint) about a mile away recently bought 100 acres that adjoins our ranch. They had a jailbreak, and these dudes were hanging around:

Of course, I wasn't there. My bro-in law and his family were there and they took these pictures. Their boys apparently thought the camels were cool. Being that they were from the exotic ranch, they associate people and cars with food, so they mobbed anyone that left the house and followed the cars. In the middle pic above, Ron has some feed in his truck, and they are working to convince him that it belongs to them. The owners came back and got them, Saturday. I wonder if they will escape again? How many people can say they have had camels roaming their ranch?

A Great Weekend Hunting... (3 weeks later)


That's a little misleading... I had a great weekend hunting. I didn't kill anything but time, but I still had a great weekend. We got a little later start than we had hoped for, but we were still at the ranch Friday evening around 6:15. We put Sweetie the Chihuahua in the house, then we went for a little drive around the ranch to see what deer we could find. We saw several deer, including 2 really big bucks. Thinks were looking good. After unloading the truck, we headed to Gatesville for a little dinner and a few last-minute grocery items.



Saturday morning, daylight was around 7:15 (pre-time change). I got up, went through my scent elimination routine, and was on the stand by 6:30. First, about the scent control and why I bother. My preferred morning deer stand is a ground stand on the side of a hill. The deer tend to come pretty close to me, so scent elimination is really important on this stand. Due to thermal currents, you almost can't hunt this stand in the afternoons because the cooling currents travelling down the hill carry what little scent you have down the hill. I'd rather not spook the deer, so I don't hunt this stand in the afternoons.

A little bit about the scent elimination steps I went through opening weekend... Shelly thought I was nuts, my bro-in-law was a little disturbed and he's glad he wasn't there. Before going, I washed my hunting clothes in scent killer soap. I got up early in the morning, got out my clothes, and hung them all on the clothesline outside (outer clothes and underclothes). I also put my boots and hat outside after spraying with with scent killer spray. Next, I took a shower with scent eliminator soap, then got dressed outside (went streaking to get out there) so I wouldn't have to take my clothes back through the house. Yes, a little extreme, but necessary when hunting a ground stand...as I would find out later.

On the stand, a doe and a yearling were moving at first light. They fed for 48 minutes, as close as 30 yards from me. A little while after they left, a young 6 point buck came through. About 30 minutes later, I was sending a text message to my Dad when I heard a noise to my left. There was a deer standing literally 3 feet from me to my left. I had the left side window on the stand closed all but a small crack because there is really nothing that way but a cedar thicket, and I'm concealed a little better in the stand with only the front window open. And the deer stood there for what seemed like an eternity. It was that same 6 pointer from earlier. Man, what a rush to have a deer that close to me and have no idea I was there.

Almost ready...

It's that time of year again. Opening day of deer season here in Texas is this Saturday. My rifles have been to the range and have been proven to be accurate. I've checked and packed my gear. My hunting clothes are in the washing machine now with the scent free, UV killer detergent.

I have to go into the office for a little while in the morning, but we should still be on the road for the ranch by mid-day tomorrow (Friday).

It appears that all of my efforts and preparations to attract the deer to my hunting area seem to be paying off. I talked to Ron yesterday, and he said there have been lots of deer in my area. Hopefully the Big Boy from last year will come back this year.

I'll try to make sure to take lots of pictures of this weekends activities.

Wish me luck. I'll give a full update when I get home (no internet access at the ranch).

Cooking with the Fat Guy...

If you know me or have been reading a while, you will know that I like to cook. I like to eat also, but I discovered while I was in college that I really like to cook. I credit a guy named Billy Smith in Ruston, LA. My first 2 years of college were at Louisiana Tech. The local church paired up college students that were away from home with a local family to hang out with and be a sort of local support base. Billy and Kellie were my "adopted" parents. They were both great cooks, but Billy's style seemed to work well with me. Throw it in the pot and see what happens. A laid back approach to making stuff that just tastes good, but is not overly fancy.

To be honest, not everything works. Some things are easier than others. Some things I like to cook take a while, and some can be slapped together in a few minutes. Since Shelly and I both work full time and have 2 kids (4 & almost 6 months), weeknight meals are quick, mainly one pot or one pan affairs, made with simple ingredients, with an easy side dish thrown together. Most take less than 30 minutes from start to finish. Rachel Ray has nothing on me...

Since I've been asked a few times, I figured I'd put a few recipes and quick tips together in blog format. I'll put a tag at the bottom so this post can be referred back to later. Unfortunately, most of the recipes don't have names as I've made them up.

Basics: We seem to use sweet (yellow) onions, green onions, and bell peppers often. Chopping these things is sort of a pain in the butt and takes a few minutes. I usually chop up 4 or 5 onions at a time and put them zip-loc freezer bags. Then you just pull out the bag and break a few out for whatever you are cooking. Same thing for green onions and bell peppers. We don't like green bell peppers, so we mix red / yellow / orange together.

A tip on chicken breasts. I can't take credit for this one, but it is the starting point for most chicken dishes. I think it is sort of making chicken cutlets, so in recipes below, this is what I'm talking about when I mention chicken cutlets... Take each boneless chicken breast and trim the excess fatty stuff off of it. Put it in a zip-loc bag and pound the big end of the breast to about the same thickness as the rest of the breast. I then cut each breast into 2 or 3 pieces to make them a manageable size. I find that this almost doubles the surface area of the breast, allowing for more seasonings / coatings, and it also helps it to cook faster.

Easy chicken recipe 1: Take 2 or 3 breasts worth of cutlets, coat lightly with either ranch dressing or honey mustard dressing, then coat with Italian style bread crumbs. Put a little cooking spray on a foil lined baking sheet, spread out the chicken, and bake at 350 for 20 minutes or so. This is similar to Shake & Bake, but with a twist. Change it up a little bit and use corn flakes, crushed up Chex cereal, different dressings, etc. If you decide to use either Frosted Flakes or Fruity Pebbles, let me know how it turns out.

More Chicken: mix some Italian bread crumbs and some shredded Parmesan cheese (maybe a half cup of each? - I don't measure) and some salt & pepper in a zip-loc. Moisten 2 or 3 breasts worth of cutlets and toss in the bag to coat. Heat some olive oil in a skillet(not too much, just enough to coat the bottom enough to cook the chicken) and pan fry until browned. You can also bake this as above if you wanted to.

More Chicken (Shelly really likes this one): Cube about 3 chicken breasts. Brown in a little olive oil in a large non-stick high-sided skillet (with a lid). I sometimes add a little onion and bell pepper (see above). Once it is about cooked, add a little Marsala wine (or any wine), a package of fresh, sliced mushrooms, and a can of diced tomatoes (don't drain), mix up, put the lid on, and let it go for a few minutes. When everything else is about done, break up some angel hair pasta and lay it over the top of everything else and cover with the lid. After steaming for about 5 minutes, stir it all up and cover it for another 5 minutes until it is done.

Beef Enchiladas: Brown a pound of ground meat with some chopped onion and drain (use extra lean meat and you don't have to drain). Add about 3/4 cup (1/2 a can?) of enchilada sauce and 1 cup of grated cheese. Spoon onto flour tortillas, roll the tortillas and place them into a greased 9x13 baking dish (I usually get 8-10, depending on how full I get them). Cover with the remaining enchilada sauce and another cup of cheese and bake for 20 minutes at 350. A can of pinto beans and some chips and you are in business.

Taco Soup: Brown 2 pounds of meat with a chopped up onion and some salt & pepper (chili meat is great for this). Add a package of taco seasoning, a package of dry ranch dressing mix, a couple of cans of beans (I use pinto & black beans), a package of frozen corn kernels, and 2 cans of tomatoes (diced, stewed, it doesn't matter), and 1.5-2 cups of water. Bring to a boil, then cover & simmer. Like all soups, it tastes good on day 1, better on day 2.

Pasta... We keep several packages of the Buitoni pasta in our freezer. This is the tortellini and raviolli that is in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. Simmer a jar of spaghetti sauce while the pasta is boiling, and you literally have a 15 minute dinner. We prefer the Bertolli sauces, specifically either the Vodka Sauce or the Fire Roasted Tomato w/ Cabernet Sauvignon

These are just a few of the things in regular rotation for dinners at our house. They aren't necessarily low fat, but I'm sure you could adjust to make them healthier if you wanted to. Cooking is fun, so don't get too caught up with the recipe. Throw it in a pan or pot and see what happens. If it sucks, pull out a frozen pizza and laugh about how terrible it is. If it works, write it on a note card and put it in your recipe box (what I usually do). When I make it again, I usually change it a little. Sometimes it is better, sometimes I mess it up.

If you have anything good you wouldn't mind passing along, drop me a line and share with me.

Dumb Liberals...

I left the office today and decided to try to do a little early voting. As my regular polling place typically doesn't have much of a line, I'm not very patient about waiting in lines to vote early. When I was getting out of the car, I noticed that the parking lot was pretty full. I asked a lady that was leaving how it looked, and she told me the wait was probably an hour. Just to make sure, I walked inside and checked it out for myself. The worker there told me it would be 30 minutes or so.

With several days left to vote, I decided to try later in the week (or wait for Tuesday next week). As I was heading back to the car, an obvious Obama supporter was getting out of the car next to me. Now, we all know that Obama supporters aren't very bright, as they have been drinking from the liberal kool-aid. This genius made the mistake of asking me how long the wait was.

Likely Obama voter: How long is the wait to vote?

Helpful non-Obama voter: That depends. The line to vote for McCain was only about 20 or 30 minutes or so. The line to vote for Obama is probably 2 hours long.

Likely Obama voter: Aw, man, I don't have time to wait 2 hours.

The Obama voter then got in her automobile and drove off.

DUMMY!!!

Perhaps I should have hung out a little longer and "helped" a few more people?


*** For anyone that doesn't get why this person was such a dummy, this isn't the primary. There are no "Republican" or "Democrat" lines. Everyone votes in the same lines using the same machines"

Busy weekend...

It has been a busy weekend, just not too much blog worthy.

Shelly and I have been trying to make a concerted effort to cook and eat at home more often. Of course, we still eat out, just not as often.

Friday night I baked some venison enchiladas. We still have meat in the freezer from last hunting season, so it makes sense to try to incorporate deer meat into what we're cooking. They turned out pretty good if I do say so myself.

Saturday morning I got up and changed the oil in the Expedition. I LIKE working on the vehicles, it's just a time issue. I made time this morning and it took less than 40 minutes, and that included taking out all of the stuff needed (ramps, creeper, drain pan, etc) and putting it all back up once finished.

After changing the oil, we took the truck up to Circuit City to have the remote start looked at. It hasn't worked properly for the last couple of weeks, so we took it in and got it fixed. It turned out to be a loose wire. Once home from Circuit City, Matthew "helped" me cut the grass. Of course, his version of help involves making a huge mess while continually coming up to me while I'm mowing and asking me to get something for him. It is annoying, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. You just have to allow for 3 hours to complete a 1.5 hour job.

After resting a little and cleaning up, we took the boys down to my parents, then Shelly and I headed out for a date night. We met 8 or 9 other couples for dinner and afterwards went to see Fireproof. It's a good movie (no matter what Katie thinks). If you haven't seen it, take your significant other to see it. It is sort of a sappy relationship movie, but worth seeing.

This morning I got up and took 3 of my rifles down to the gun range to get ready for hunting next weekend. In a perfect world, this would have been done a few weeks ago, but that's the breaks. It is sort of nice to hit the range by yourself and poke a few holes in some paper. I need to do it more often.

When I got home, I started thawing some chicken to grill for lunch and headed to the grocery store. After returning, I got busy cooking. I enjoy cooking, and today I was trying something new. I grilled chicken for lunch, but I was also working on a pot of taco soup.

I've never made taco soup before, but I've had several different versions before. I found a recipe today and loosely followed it, using venison chili meat and venison hamburger meat as the foundation. It turned out really well. We'll have some for dinner tomorrow night, a little more at some point during the week, and we have a container frozen for our trip to the ranch next weekend (I have a strict 3 day rule on leftovers, so for a week away, I have to freeze to keep it that long).

Late this afternoon, we cleaned up and headed to meet my sister's crowd and my parents at a Trunk or Treat deal down at the church where my niece goes to preschool. Matthew went with them last year and had a ball, so we went this time also.. Once the deal wound down, we all went to a local grill joint for a little dinner.

Not a bad weekend, just the ordinary stuff. I'm sure that in the next day or so the weekend will process and I'll come up with a good story to tell. For now, it's after midnight, and I'm BEAT.

Have a good week. If you want a recipe for anything I made, let me know and I'll get it to you. Most of what I cook is pretty much made up, but I do write recipes down so I'll be able to make it again later (usually with a few variances from the previous recipe).

Interesting headline...

I was perusing the headlines on the Drudge Report and came across this article. I promise I was not in London this week.

Seriously, someone took a crap and they had to shut the airport down? Must have been pretty bad...


Toilet stench clears out London airport

Oct 24 02:24 PM US/Eastern
London City Airport was briefly evacuated and flights grounded Friday due to fumes emanating from the toilets, police said.
The fifth-biggest airport serving the British capital, London City was closed from about 3:00 pm (1400 GMT) to 5:15pm (1615 GMT) after a "suspect substance" was discovered in the toilets, said an airport spokeswoman.
The airport was evacuated as a precautionary measure.
"Some people had suffered coughing and skin irritation," a spokesman for London' Metropolitan Police told AFP.
"It would appear that a liquid or substance was disposed of incorrectly. There are no signs of criminality."
A spokeswoman for the airport, built in the 1980s in the derelict east London docklands, told AFP that passengers were ushered back into the terminal building following the all-clear from the emergency services.
She said: "It was found in the toilets. We don't know what it is or how it got there."

Who reads this stuff?

I took a look at the counter and noticed it has been rising at a fair clip. Feel free to leave a comment to say hello. If you don't mind me knowing who you are, leave a first name and a city. If you prefer to remain unknown, that's fine also. Thanks for reading.

Just a fun fact... Out of the last 500 visitors:

342 use Windows XP
135 use Windows Vista (Wreggie and 134 others)
15 use an unknown OS
6 use Windows 2003
1 uses Linux
1 uses Mac OS (lonely, eh?)

Made it home...

The trip home today was pretty uneventful. My classes wrapped up at 1PM and I caught the shuttle back over to the air terminal. After getting a little lunch, I settled into a chair for the hour wait for my flight. I'm happy to report that I visited airport restrooms in 2 states today and not a single person tapped their foot at me.

That reminds me of the first and only time I've ever been propositioned by a prostitute...

Back in 1993, I had spent 2 years at Louisiana Tech and had decided to move back home to Lafayette to transfer to USL. They were starting a new degree program in Insurance & Risk Management, and since that seems to be the family business, I figured that beat the Accounting Degree I was pursuing at Tech.

When I got home, I needed to get a job for the summer to put a little cash in my pocket. I called one of the guys at the plumbing supply house I had worked at in high school to see if he knew of anyone looking for a grunt. I knew it would be dirty work, but I also knew it would get me more hours and better pay than waiting tables. Within a day or 2, I was working as a helper for a 3 truck plumbing company. We worked on the plumbing for the TGI Fridays in Lafayette and had several jobs lined up rehabbing the plumbing in some pretty rough looking houses on the bad side of town. These were so rough that you had to lock the truck while you were working in the house or all of your tools and supplies would be gone

We typically met around 6:30 each morning at the supply house, replenished the truck with the stuff we would need for the day, and were headed out to get to work by 7:30. One morning, we were in the area in the Southeast corner of University Drive and I-10, before 8am. We pulled up to a stop sign and this rough looking black woman came walking up. She had the look of a crack whore all over her, and she looked like it had been a long night. She walked up to the truck and said "Hey, Baby. $20 and you pay the room at the St Francis Motel."

Now, I grew up Southern Baptist. My Dad was chairman of the Deacons at our church. I duck hunted with the pastor each year. I was not an angel, but you could say I had been sheltered. I didn't catch what she said and asked her to repeat it. Oh, My... I said no and Carl drove off. When the shock of what had just happened wore off, we couldn't stop laughing. Carl told the rest of the guys and they teased me about it for the rest of the summer.

There you have it. The first time anyone had offered me the "all access pass" and it was some strung out crack whore.

What a weekend this has been...

I started this weekend with everything in an orderly fashion. On Thursday evening I got a haircut so I would look presentable for my trip. On Friday morning I dropped all of the dry cleaning at the cleaners so I would have freshly pressed clothes ready for the trip. Friday evening I put a few last minute things on to wash.

Saturday morning, we had a leisurely morning at home. My flight was scheduled to depart at 2:00, and since I was not planning to check a bag, I planned to leave around 12:15 or so. Right at 12:15, I was packed up and Shelly logged onto Continental's website to print my boarding pass for me. When she did, she noticed that my 2:00 flight was now a 1:15 flight. CRAP!!!. That's just over an hour away, and the airport parking is 25 minutes or so on a good day. I packed up the computer, grabbed the boarding pass, put my stuff in the car, and took off like a shot. I won't say how fast I drove, but it's safe to say I was "hauling the mail". 15 minutes later I was getting onto the shuttle bus in the airport parking lot.

As I boarded the bus, the driver asked which terminal. I told him terminal B, and my flight was at 1:15, about 30 minutes. He said it was going to be close, at which time I said "Yes, but I have faith in your ability to get me there on time." He wasn't facing me at this point, but he held his hand out in my direction and said "I might be able to work something out..." a little greenery his direction, and we were off. I guess money talks because there were 2 pretty large women with suitcases 15-20 feet from the bus heading our way when he closed the door and took off. They looked a little pissed...

He got me to the terminal quickly and I grabbed my bags and headed for security. After practically getting naked and sending my bags and half my clothes through the conveyor, I cleared security and headed off through the terminal. Of course, when you are running late, your flight will be leaving from the absolute farthest gate from the entrance to the building.

I made it with less than 5 minutes to spare, boarded the plane, and sat to catch my breath. The flight was uneventful, except for the most unfortunate looking Asian woman seated next to me. She had a LARGE, dark, hairy mole in the end of her nose, just between her nostril openings. After takeoff, she immediately closed the window. I hate not being able to see out. Then she proceeded to close her eyes, lean forward, and look like she was going to be sick for most of the 2 hour flight from Houston to Greensboro. I spent most of the flight prepared to jump out of the way in case she lost her cookies. Thankfully she kept it together and we landed in Greensboro without incident.

I got checked in, watched a little TV, then headed to the bar for a little dinner. On the way back to the room, I stopped by the front desk and was told that our group would have a continental breakfast in the conference room at 9:30, with the class set to begin at 10:00 am. I showed up at 9:40, ready to get something to eat, only to find that there was no breakfast. The guy at the front desk was wrong. Damn.

When we finally broke for lunch at 1:30, I was starving. They announced that there was a lunch buffet set up in the next room. Sweet. Food at last. Upon entering the next room, I see the buffet. It's a table filled with 3 or 4 types of sliced bread and trays of cold cuts. You gotta be friggin kidding me. Half the morning session was wasted by a guy that knew what he was talking about, but he was completely unprepared to give the presentation that we had materials for, so he spent his entire allotted time plus 30 minutes of our lunch break rambling on about similar information, but not from the outline.

All-in-all, the seminar isn't bad for what the subject matter is - trucking insurance. Anything you want to know about truckers, cargo insurance, etc I can probably now tell you.

I returned to the bar this evening for dinner and then retired to the room to watch TV.

Tomorrow is about 4 more hours of the same, then I have a flight heading back to Houston around 3PM.

I try to give a recap tomorrow evening when I get home.

The wait is over... (update from Chris)

It is finished...

These were the words of Jesus Christ as he died on the cross.
Cindy went home to be with Jesus at 10:17 this morning. Her final hours were comfortable and she died with me holding her hands. Dora and Linda (her mom and my mom) were there with her.

I know many of you will cry when you read this and I am crying as I write it. I have both deep sorrow and some relief. We lost a delightful, beautiful and wonderful wife, daughter, sister and friend. At the same time, the battle is over. I can picture Cindy getting to heaven and saying "Holy guacamole! This is great! What was I thinking?" I am sure that she was received into God's open arms in heaven with angels celebrating. Jesus came and died so that we will see her again someday.

A few weeks ago, Cindy and I agreed that this was a win-win situation. Paul said "To live is Christ and to die is gain". Cindy said that if she lived she would be forever changed, and if she died she will be in heaven.

Father God, thank You and praise You for Cindy. I am blessed to have loved her and made her my wife. Thank you for the time we had together. Thank you for having me there to walk her home. I am forever changed. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Logistics...
We will meet with the funeral home tomorrow morning and I will know more about the schedule then. Mom, Dad and I will stay with Dora until this afternoon. We have some things to do. I will post more details on the funeral tomorrow.

In North Carolina...

Made it safely to Greensboro. After I eat a little dinner I'll post about what a day this has been.

Everything else left him, but the music remained...

Ever have one of those days where you hear a song in the morning and it's with you the rest of the day? I had that happen today. It's a song I was introduced to many years ago, and I didn't appreciate it then. The artist is long gone, and you rarely hear the song these days. When I hear it now, I stop what I'm doing and listen to the music.

Deep within my heart lies a melody...
A song of old San Antone...
Where in dreams I lived with a memory...
Beneath the stars all alone...

Some of you will recognize the lyrics. It's San Antonio Rose. I guess I should have researched it to know for sure, but for my memories it is a Bob Wills song..

Papaw was my Dad's father. He had Alzheimer's and died just before Christmas in 2005. Years before he ever got sick, he played the song for me. Bob Wills was his favorite. Years back, he had played for a dance in Kirbyville, Texas, where my Grandparents lived. Mamaw and Papaw went and danced to Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys. It must have been really special because it was one of the last things he remembered

Over the last several years of his life, Papaw lost the memory of many things. He didn't know who we were and he couldn't remember the names of things. What he did remember was the music. I remember going over there, and he put the Bob Wills record on the player and started dancing around the living room to San Antonio Rose. It was one of the few things he found comfort in. When Shelly and I got married in 2001, he was still able to function in public to a certain extent, but crowds and unfamiliar settings really bothered him. I know he was uncomfortable at our reception. One of the first songs after our first dance, we had the DJ play San Antonio Rose. Papaw grabbed Mamaw and they danced. He didn't know much about what was going on, but for a few minutes, I imagine he was transported back in time to a familiar.

After his funeral, we joked that instead of the usual funeral songs, we should have played San Antonio Rose as a fitting send off. He would have liked that.

As far as I know, the only things he remembered were the woman he had loved for more than 60 years and the music. He never forgot them.

Update from Chris...

This man has my admiration for his unwavering faith and trust in God. I hope if faced with a similar situation my faith will be as true and strong as his.


Cindy woke up with me this morning. We prayed and she said amen. She still kisses and smiles. I didn't know if she would make it through the night.

No more visitors please...


Cindy is getting very weak and basic things take an extraordinary amount of effort. It takes a lot of effort for her to sit up and acknowledge someone. I told her that I was going to tell everyone that and she nodded "yes".

She has the hiccups again - sometimes for 30 minutes at a time. they hurt when she was in the hospital but they don't hurt now, they just make lots of noise. She sleeps through the hiccups, but I don't. It is strange to pray and ask for the hiccups to stop and ask for no more hiccups. She is not eating anymore - it just takes too much effort and hurts as it goes through her system. She is also not needing much medication anymore since there is little pain. We still give her schedule medication, but nothing else is needed.

God will take her soon. I don't know if that means today or in three days, but it will be soon.

She is ready to go.

For planning purposes, we will have a funeral at South Park cemetery in Pearland (on Hwy. 35 between Beltway 8 and 518). Obviously, we do not know which day it will be. I will try to schedule it in the afternoon around 3:00 p.m. We will not plan to have anything else by way of a viewing before or fellowship afterwards, so family and friends are free to get together in separate groups after the funeral. Thanks for understanding. This has been a difficult battle starting over 2 years ago.

Thanks for the prayers and food. It has all been wonderful and timely. I know I would not be as strong or as caring if I didn't have so many people lifting us up. With God's hand on us, we will make it through this storm and Cindy will be in heaven soon.

Update from Chris...

I debated whether or not to keep posting these updates, but I've asked you to pray for my friends, so I'm going to keep sharing them with you (feel free to sign up to receive the updates straight from the Care Page if you want to.)

Here is Chris's post from this morning:

Cindy slept most of the night last night. Praise God. I think we've got a medicine cycle that works for her. She is only coherent for a few minutes at a time and sleeps the rest of the time. Dora and I think she may leave us any time now. It could be a few hours or a few days. We don't know.

Thanks to everyone that has visited and offered food and rides and gifts. We appreciate it. I know Cindy sees them and appreciates them even if she cannot express it. We are limiting visits to family and very close friends and only a couple of people at a time and only a few times a day. Please forgive us if Cindy leaves before you get a chance to see her. We have so many friends and family, it will be impossible for everyone to visit. It is a blessing to know that Cindy touched so many people and had so many friends.

Cindy is uncomfortable with her body and being alive now. She says she doesn't know what to do with herself. She asks how she can make it go faster and asks for help. We have to tell her that there is nothing else we can do but wait. At the same time she wants to go, she doesn't want to leave me. We tell her it is OK to go when she is ready.

Father God, please make Cindy's passing comfortable and without fear. Please take her soon. Please send angels to help her go and give her a glimpse of heaven so she will want to follow them. Please pour out your grace and mercy on her. We love her and we do not want her to suffer any more. We love You and we trust You, God. In Jesus name. Amen.

What's the fascination with Europe?

This has been going on for years, and it pisses me off. Have you ever noticed how many products on the market have "Euro" as part of their name? Is that supposed to make them better? Of course, these are not European products, they are just marketing to the more "progressive" among us that think Europeans are somehow more advance than Americans.

Of course, this is bull. Americans are light years ahead of most of Europe. When I think of Europe, I first think of France. Sure, France has been settled longer than the USA, but what do they have? Wine? Cheese? What else? Sure they have Peugeot and Renault. Yes, those are 2 automobiles known for their quality. They don't sell them here anymore because they were CRAP.

just tonight I saw a commercial on TV for a children's cough syrup. It was a good ad until they said that this product is the same product used by mothers in Europe for more than 30 years to treat kids coughs and allergies. Excuse me? Medical advice from Europe? They send all of their medical students here to the USA to learn modern medicine.

Does this bug any of you? I actually make it a point not to buy any product with "Euro" in the name. Probably makes no difference, but it does make me feel better.

another update from Chris...

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this week is and will be for Chris. These updates are dufficult for me to read, and post here without tearing up a little.

Here is Chris's latest update:

Yesterday was a bit of a circus. We woke up in a hospital room after a long and confusing night. Dora (Cindy's Mom) came to the hospital and shortly after that we talked to Dr. Murray. He explained the same thing that Dr. Gonzales explained the day before.

We are out of options for fighting the cancer. We can treat Cindy's pain and nausea at home through hospice care. We needed her to agree to a DNR order. Up until now, Cindy has always said she wanted to be kept alive so she can continue to fight. We explained to her that they don't have a liver machine. Dr. Murray explained that all a DNR (do not resuscitate) order means is that if she has an acute event (heart or breathing stops) that no ambulance would come and put a tube in her throat, beat on her chest or otherwise shock her body into working for a little while longer. He said that it would not be a good thing and they would have to do that That was a nice way to put it. The hospice care can get her home and comfortable, but then need a DNR order. Cindy agreed. We went home.

I should say that I realized yesterday what a hard job Dr. Murray and his staff have. That goes for Dr. Osborne and his staff at Baylor as well. I've been critical of them in the past - sometimes rightly so - but I have the utmost respect for them and their professions. They have to figure out a disease that nobody else has ever figured out. They have to give people drugs that are going to make them sick and may not work. They have to balance quality of life with quantity of life. Then they have to tell people on a regular basis that they are out of options. I could tell that Dr. Murray was very sad yesterday. He has a lot of those days.

I should also say that once we made those decisions, the staff at MDA and the hospice agency moved quickly. They got her pain meds and sent her home a couple of hours after that. I know that things can move slowly in a hospital and I thank God for things moving quickly yesterday.

My mom and dad came to Houston yesterday. They will help us through this. Thank you to all of our family, friends and church family for prayers and visits and wanting to help.

Travelling Man...

This is shaping up to be yet another busy week, with no rest for the weary.

The weekend before last, I loaded the Lackey crowd, Jonathan, Matthew, Shelly, and Sweetie the Chihuahua, along with Shelly's friend Janice and everything you need to feed and entertain such a crowd for a weekend and headed to the ranch. The Expedition was crammed full, and I had the hitch haul on the back to carry the cooler that didn't fit inside the truck.

Last weekend, we spent the better part of Saturday at a Fall Festival put on by the company Shelly works for. After the festival, Matthew and I headed back out to the ranch on a quick trip to replace and fill my deer feeder. As you probably remember me complaining about last week, the cows or some other critter broke the motor off of my deer feeder and completely destroyed it. My choice was to spend $150 for a new motor (solar powered charged with a pretty fancy digital timer) or to send the old one back with $25, which would cover rebuilding it, changing out the rechargeable gel cell battery, and return shipping. Bonus that I bought the one with the lifetime warranty to be able to get the cheap rebuilds. Unfortunately, the rebuild will take 8 weeks to get it back. In the interest of time, I borrowed a motor from my Dad that he's not using, and Matthew and I set out to install it. No problems, just a quick trip out there and back. One small duffel bag and we went in the Altima instead of the Expedition. I like that car more and more these days (29 mpg average for the entire trip, with my heavy foot).

This week is busy at work, then I leave Saturday for a conference in Greensboro, NC. I always laugh about my work trips vs the ones the owners take. They take several trips per year to places that have the word "Palm" or "Island" in the name. I've been to Chicago, Dallas, and the Airport Marriott in Newark, NJ. I'm about to add the Airport Marriott in Greensboro, NC to the list. Not a golf course in sight, and I don't even leave the airport grounds. Also, the things I attend are actually learning deals where you spend all day in a hotel conference room, not boondoggle trips with golf, fishing, etc, etc. This one is a deal about trucking insurance. If anyone reads this and lives in Greensboro, feel free to pick me up and take me out Saturday night so I'm not eating dinner in the hotel bar - you don't have to buy, just provide transport and company. I believe my flight gets in mid to late afternoon on Saturday.

I think I have one weekend at home after that, and then we get into deer season and the holidays. Buy stock in the major gasoline distributors now, because we're going to burn a few gallons between now and the end of the year.

Because I've been asked for it, here is a link to the Care Page that Chris updates regularly for Cindy. Because Chris and Cindy appreciate all of the prayers offered on their behalf, they have made this page and the information contained in it public.

http://www.carepages.com/carepages/CindyBrown/updates/1765380

You will need to create a sign in, but it is secure, so you won't be a part of some crazy mailing list. If it asks you for the name of the Care Page you are looking to join, the name would be CindyBrown (no spaces). If you have any trouble, leave me a comment and I'll see what I can do to help you gain access.

Update, not the news we were hoping and praying for...

Many of you will remember my post on October 10th about a friend of ours, Cindy, that has cancer. In the last month, Chris has been turning over every stone he can to help Cindy continue the fight after her doctor gave up and said he was out of options. In the last month, Cindy has had 2 operations, one to put a stint in her kidney, and one last week to put a catheter in her liver.

They located, applied for, and were accepted to take part at a clinical trial at a hospital in San Antonio, with plans to begin last week. When they did all of their lab work, her creatinine levels were too high to begin. Potassium and sodium levels were also low. She was sent home with some instructions on things to do to try to get the levels within an acceptable range to start the trial this week.

This is an update I received from Chris this morning (he posted it last night):

My heart is very heavy tonight. Cindy is not doing well and getting worse. Today was perhaps the most difficult day of my life. I know there are at least a few more difficult days ahead.

Cindy was confused last night so we called San Antonio to see what they said. We took her off the morphine and had her drink some water and eat a little. If it was medication, it should get better. She woke up this morning more confused. Confusion (dementia) is not usually good news for a cancer patient. We went to the emergency room at M.D. Anderson and they admitted her.

Some good news - the CT scans of her head and chest were OK. Her heart is OK.

Bad news - her liver and kidneys are not doing well. Her ammonia is very high. Her bilirubin is higher than it has been - even after we had the catheter put in. Her creatinine is higher - indicating poor kidney function. Her sodium is dangerously low. She is weak, confused, in pain and nauseated.

We won't be going to San Antonio for a clinical trial. M.D. Anderson wants her to stay in the hospital tonight so they can try to get her ammonia levels down and sodium levels up to alleviate the confusion. They will start paliative care - which treats the symptoms like nausea, pain and confusion - and recommended hospice care starting tomorrow at home.

Hospice care. I thought I was prepared for today. Cindy is going to die - at least according to M.D. Anderson and Baylor. She was very close to dying when we brought her in this morning. Cindy doesn't want to stop fighting, but we don't have any options left. They said she has days left. They wouldn't say how many. My impression is not many.

She still smiles when I wink at her. I love her more than anything. This is definitely the hardest day of my life.


At this point, we're still praying for a miracle for Cindy, but Chris could use a little extra boost himself. I don't think anyone is ever really prepared to lose a spouse, but having to prepare while still in your prime has to be almost impossible to face.

Train Wreck...

I'm not a huge sports nut. I do like to watch NASCAR, but I've never been overly interested in stick and ball sports. As a kid, I tried soccer, football, t-ball, and pitch baseball. I SUCKED at all of them.

That was until I met Shelly. I'm still not a sports nut, but I do watch Aggie football. Shelly is an Aggie, her brother is an Aggie, and her dad is an Aggie. He was even in the Corps of Cadets. Yep, I was done for. I'm not an Aggie (I'm a Ragin' Cajun), but I had to convert if I wanted to fit in. Shelly had season tickets to the Aggies when we met, and we renewed them every year. Every year, that is, until this year... It turns out we made a pretty good choice.

Our tickets have been getting more and more expensive each year. When I first started going to the games, RC Slocum was the coach. They did ok, but never beat Texas. A couple of years later, they decided to go big, and stole Coach Fran away from Alabama. My friend Katie almost didn't speak to us for a couple of years there since they are Bama folks. Well, it turns out that we did them a favor and took that joker away from them. After a few years of stinking up the place, Fran was out and the Aggies hired Mike Sherman away from the Houston Texans.

Each week this season, We've either watched the game or checked the score periodically. Last weekend, they played Oklahoma State, we didn't bother even looking at the score until Sunday. I can't tell you what it was, other than they got beat, and it wasn't by a slim margin.

Here are my thoughts (from the shower stall this morning)...

The Aggies weren't doing that well under Fran, but most of his losses were at least close. He never lost a home opener, and he beat Texas the last 2 years in a row. This year, the Aggies got spanked at home for the season opener. I don't remember how long it's been, but it has been a LONG time since the season opener was lost in Kyle Field. When they got rid of Fran, it was expected that the 12th Man was going to dig DEEP and hire a top name.

Instead of hiring a top name college coach, they hired Mike Sherman. Sherman was the Offensive coordinator and asst head coach for the Houston Texans. Let's get this straight. You have the money and the fan bast to hire a proven winner, and you hire the guy that is offensive coordinator for the Texans? Their best season was 8-8. They kept David Carr and drafted Mario Williams when they could have picked Vince Young or at least Reggie Bush.

I'm not an expert, but I've heard and read enough to understand that college and NFL coaches rarely have much success when moving from one level to another. Why would the Aggies think that they could hire an offensive coordinator from an NFL team that has NEVER had a winning season and have success?

As an Aggie fan, I HOPE that Sherman can get things going, but at this point, the future looks a little bleak.