Update, not the news we were hoping and praying for...

Many of you will remember my post on October 10th about a friend of ours, Cindy, that has cancer. In the last month, Chris has been turning over every stone he can to help Cindy continue the fight after her doctor gave up and said he was out of options. In the last month, Cindy has had 2 operations, one to put a stint in her kidney, and one last week to put a catheter in her liver.

They located, applied for, and were accepted to take part at a clinical trial at a hospital in San Antonio, with plans to begin last week. When they did all of their lab work, her creatinine levels were too high to begin. Potassium and sodium levels were also low. She was sent home with some instructions on things to do to try to get the levels within an acceptable range to start the trial this week.

This is an update I received from Chris this morning (he posted it last night):

My heart is very heavy tonight. Cindy is not doing well and getting worse. Today was perhaps the most difficult day of my life. I know there are at least a few more difficult days ahead.

Cindy was confused last night so we called San Antonio to see what they said. We took her off the morphine and had her drink some water and eat a little. If it was medication, it should get better. She woke up this morning more confused. Confusion (dementia) is not usually good news for a cancer patient. We went to the emergency room at M.D. Anderson and they admitted her.

Some good news - the CT scans of her head and chest were OK. Her heart is OK.

Bad news - her liver and kidneys are not doing well. Her ammonia is very high. Her bilirubin is higher than it has been - even after we had the catheter put in. Her creatinine is higher - indicating poor kidney function. Her sodium is dangerously low. She is weak, confused, in pain and nauseated.

We won't be going to San Antonio for a clinical trial. M.D. Anderson wants her to stay in the hospital tonight so they can try to get her ammonia levels down and sodium levels up to alleviate the confusion. They will start paliative care - which treats the symptoms like nausea, pain and confusion - and recommended hospice care starting tomorrow at home.

Hospice care. I thought I was prepared for today. Cindy is going to die - at least according to M.D. Anderson and Baylor. She was very close to dying when we brought her in this morning. Cindy doesn't want to stop fighting, but we don't have any options left. They said she has days left. They wouldn't say how many. My impression is not many.

She still smiles when I wink at her. I love her more than anything. This is definitely the hardest day of my life.


At this point, we're still praying for a miracle for Cindy, but Chris could use a little extra boost himself. I don't think anyone is ever really prepared to lose a spouse, but having to prepare while still in your prime has to be almost impossible to face.