Hey, Baby, $20...

I've had many jobs in my life. One hardest jobs I had was the summer between my sophomore and junior years in college. I worked as a plumbers helper. While I was in high school, I cut grass, cleaned windows, did inventory, etc for the local plumbing supply company. When I transferred to the hometown college and needed a job, the guys at the supply house hooked me up with a plumbing company that needed a helper.

Now the word helper would generally imply that you might get tools for, run errands, hold the other end of the pipe, etc for one of the plumbers. That's what the job description was according to the owner. Well, that's not what the job really was. Basically, you did ALL of the work while the plumber watched, talked on the phone in the truck (this was before everyone had cell phones), took a smoke break, etc. Once I dug a trench while the guy I was "helping" took a nap.

If you ever eat at TGI Friday's at the mall in Lafayette, LA, think of me. I worked on the plumbing crew that did the work. In fact, one morning at 3 AM, I was knee deep in a crap filled trench connecting the sewer line from the restaurant to the one exiting the mall. I worked 83.5 hours that week. At $6 per hour, I was making money like a champ for a college student. I also learned the 4 rules of plumbing: 1. Pay Day is on Friday. 2. The boss is a jerk. 3. Shit flows down hill (so make sure the drain lines always have a slope to them), and 4. Don't bite your nails.

One of the jobs we did that summer was a program for the City of Lafayette that rehabbed houses on the "other" side of town There was grant money to help bring old houses up to current plumbing codes. These houses were in BAD shape. The plumbing pipes were more often than not made out of clay (think flower pot material). Part of being a "helper" meant that I was the guy that had to crawl under the houses to run the drain pipes from the toilets, tubs, etc. Now let me say, my biggest phobia was spiders. Guess what lives in the dark spaces under these houses. MAN, that part of the job sucked.

I vividly remember one house that was elevated off the ground, but not much. I had to take a shovel and dig a trench for myself as I belly crawled under the house about 15 feet. I was thinking the whole time that I would savor any office job I managed to get after that. I was now doing the work that most people paid someone else to do.

Ok, now to a funny story. One morning we were working on the North side of town, in a neighborhood near I-10 and University Dr. We stopped at a stop sign and this really ratty looking black woman walked up and said to me "Hey, Baby. $20 and you pay the room at the St Francis Motel." I wish I could say I thought of something really witty to say in reply, but I just told Carl to move it and we drove off.

Those guys gave me hell about my "new girlfriend" the rest of the summer.

I worked my butt off that summer, but I wouldn't change a thing. I can now fix just about any plumbing emergency that arises without having to call a plumber.

And no, I didn't have "plumbers crack". I always wore a belt.