Nursing homes, crop dusting, and jacking with telemarketers...

Ok, so when you are married, have a 3 yr old, and both of you work, Friday nights are just like any other night, except you likely go to bed earlier and don't have to go to work the next day.

Shelly was going to pick Matthew up from daycare and drop in the see her grandmother at the rehab center. It's not a nursing home because grandma absolutely wouldn't agree to go to a nursing home... Hey, she's 90 or so, I guess you can get by with that.

Anyway, enough about that. Mother's day is this weekend, and Shelly was very subtle about what she wanted. She tore a picture of an under-cabinet TV, CD, DVD player deal out of the Target sale paper. She then left it on top of the stack of magazines in the bathroom. Just in case I might miss it, she told me it was there for me to peruse the next time I was in there gathering my thoughts. I'm not exactly Captain Obvious, so I appreciate the "subtle hint" every now and then.

Well, since she was visiting for a little while, I took the opportunity to hit Hallmark and pick out some cards, then on to Target for that gift. I shouldn't be allowed to run errands alone. I left with the item I went for, 2 laundry baskets, a DVD, and a few other random items. I also got a little bit of a laugh. I had a few rumblings below, so I found an unoccupied aisle, and did a little "crop dusting". Well, just as I'm exiting the aisle, I'm met head on by a man and his son, who looked to be 12 or so. Man, that's a rough spot to be in. Within seconds, they would enter the cloud, and there was no doubt who left it. I did what any self respecting guy would do... I made a couple of quick turns and got the hell out of that area. The funny thing was... The kid was wearing a UT Longhorns shirt. T-Sippers got what was coming to them.

OK, the phone rings just after I get home. It's an 866 number, so you have a pretty good idea what's about to happen. Most people would just not answer. I can't do that. I just can't seem to pass the opportunity to jack with the telemarketers. On the other end of the line there is a young woman's voice "Hello, this is **** calling on behalf of the Breast Awareness Foundation..." Sweet mannah from heaven, this one is going to be good... She continues "we are an organization committed to helping women maintain healthy breasts..." Well, finally a cause I can support... She continues "were seeking your help to provide as many breast exams as we can to women who otherwise could not afford them.." Do you see where this is heading? I tell her that I have a few extra hours on most Saturdays and would be happy to give a few exams to help out the cause. She hung up... Dang, I was looking forward to helping such a worthy cause.

I did have a good one last week. Someone called from one of those radio research deals and wanted me to participate in a survey. As a token of their appreciation, they would pay me a small sum - enough to buy a cup of coffee or a donut. "A" donut? Singular? I tell him my price is $50, up front, then I'll be happy to participate. "I'm sure that would be nice, but we aren't in a position to pay $50". We went back and forth a little arguing dollars and donuts, until he hung up on me.

I love telemarketers. I figure it's easier to handle them my way. Sure you can ask them to remove your name, but they never do. Jack with them a few times, and suddenly the calls are much less often. I sometimes have to wait weeks for another poor sucker to call me.

Well, it's late and I need sleep. Tomorrow is the big cleaning day. I'm sure there will be some amusing events to tell about.